Nightmare

Shifting
Fading
The darkness encases me
Is this a dream or
A warning
In the silence my body will not move
Paralyzed by fear
Reminds me
Of a poem I once heard
"Once asleep - who knows if we'll wake again?...Listen, the alternative is-/everlasting sleep. Your - everlasting house!"(tsetaeva)
Who is to say
If I will ever escape

Tattered

I tried to write to get you back but ended with goodbye
And now the shadows have been removed
Though I wished them away for months at a time
I feel adversely now that the book has closed
I yearn for air filled with dust from our pages, the ones we left unturned
I remember bent and much-abused binding
I remember how you once were
I've put you away on a shelf for good
No more reading to try and make sense
I haven't opened another but I've put us down
And I'll soon forget the words you recited
Those wanton volumes - unfinished - now burned

Forgotten

Disappointment follows you, does it not?
Do the eyes not follow in disgust?
Does the mocking tone not haunt your dreams?
How do you manage stifled screams?
These answers I know very well
I know of living in this hell
And worse is when you find the path
That leads you out but still you're trapped
And you refuse to take those steps
You try to salvage what is left
But nothing's left of sanity
Which vanished
And now there's
Only a blank canvas to call your life
Too little to show for
Such strife
Too little to have for
Wanting

Impossible

Indiscernible from unconsciousness
The everyday state that follows us
That we latch like a child to key and hip
And claim their dependancy is the cause

We know that this is just a farce
This is a fruitless act of protection
This is fear reincarnate and we will further deny
Any truth or any reason

How do we maintain this balancing trick
Is it slight of hand or lack of sight
Does anyone care to view what is trying to be hidden
Or are they afraid that they are not able

Promise Is A Pending Lie

If I am scared to put my breath to flame
It is because the embers linger too near
And the possibility of ignition overwhelms
When I display passivity towards this dwindling
I am simply exercising caution and
Respect for the mistakingly controlled

Everything can burn too bright
And we will be left blinded by
The distrust and misconceptions

If I hesitate to strike this match
It is because my prayers to dampen may not suffice
And so freely do you douce with fuel
Where I stand may be an indicator
Of the comfort I so clearly lack
Where there was once a welcomed spark

Anything can catch too soon
And we will be left with burns and
Scars that serve as reminders

Of a time that is not forgotten

Midnight

How can I discern
What I know and what I don't
What I want and what I'm taught
This aching for substantial assurance is growing more painful each day
Each letdown
Each fallback
It is not easy to disassemble the anatomy of such confusion
To delay its strife
To say that everything is okay when it so clearly is not
How can I communicate the gravity of my situation when
I am not centred or grounded to demonstrate
Who am I to say what is the truth when
I can't tell right from wrong
It switches so quickly
From light to pitch black
And I am left to my own devices
With no instructions
And not a clue

Forward

Something has changed though I cannot decide
If it is palpable or just something that I have wished for
I know for sure
By the way your arms linger
Release in embrace
Reluctantly
I am convinced by
The smile that you carry around as carelessly as you keep me
So sure
That your steps fall easy and I can only hope that my breath will mimic one day
After all the hoping I cannot see a resolution
But I cannot see a problem either but
Something has changed
Something in your eyes
In my disposition and in my head
Likely something in your heart
Switched

Drumroll please...

I've written a lot of poems, many of them personal. At times I feel that they are too intimate to share, especially given the possibility of the subjects recognizing themselves. But poetry is art, and art is meant to expose. And so I am posting ALL of my poems herein.

A Secret That Shows

How I fretted
Oh, how I did not know
That the burden would not be so heavy
That I would not be able to let go
It has only been two months' time
And the memories will soon wane
But perhaps I am left with a souvenir
A pleasantry from a time of pain
This clandestine hope of mine
This wishing that I am forced to hide
Choices criticized but I will not sway
It's a secret I will keep with a swell of pride
It's a secret that will stay

Monday's Cure

Unravelled are the seconds and the indiscernable personae
In this drug-induced euporia that traps me wholly.
Lights and stars spinning through the windows; those dirty panes.
Those which were so clean before the filth of complication;
Which did not yield to the achings that grew stronger in our rampant company.

If only men could be of glass
And girls did not pretend
To be of porcelain and lace.
But the scene is set in stone
With the solidity of unquestioned tradition.

Irreputable were the promises made in haste,
And with ill trepidation did she linger to appease.
But do not think we are so alike
That I would bet with the body that carries me.
I would trip the hand that guides you near; disinterest

If only time could be erased
And moments did not stretch
To allow that of which we wish to rid ourselves.
Perhaps if dark was everlasting
Or if this night was not a stage.

If I meant to cause no harm.
If you were not so careless with my profferings.
Remember fool, the actress' mask,
Though painted well,
Will never last.

Pining

There is a desire within me so strong I know not of how to speak of it
There are no words that can sum up the frantic beating of my heart
My racing pulse
No phrase comes to mind to describe the heavy fluttering through my core
No quip to conceal the unwanted expression I bear when you are near
For so much feeling, there is such an excess of lacking
I did not predict that I would be this way
I did not imagine such grandiosity
It seems as though you repair my wounds as swiftly and exceptionally as you cause them
There is a desire within me so strong I know nothing of how to deal
I cannot cope with your gravitation towards me
I want you desperately and yet
I feel as if it is you who is filled with wanting
For I can compose no words that describe the haunted look on your face
The hallow waters of your eyes as you look upon mine
Ravenous for such a delicacy once passed
Ironic, I seem like something now so inaccessible
When all I want you to do is reach, to grasp
To seize

When The Pawn

When the Pawn hits the conflict he thinks like a King
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing 'fore he enters the ring
There's nobody to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand then you'll know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter 'cause you'll know that you're right

Fiona Apple