3...2...One

Sept.10th/2010

I remember the sky that day
The clouds had begun to part
To clear
And through the spaces in the white - Sun
Brighter than any distant memory
Then again
Everything was new that day
Today
And each time I see you I am brought back
To the perfection
Fresh
The heavy serenity weighing down on me
Stealing my breath with anticipation
Mere moments
We will end this
We can begin again
Continue
Love

11 days

More of your clothes hang in my closet
Masquerading as my own
More reminders that somehow keep your memory fresh
The smell of you
Sleeping in your bed
The only real sleep I've had since you left
The comfort of a home that is not mine
But this morning when I heard your voice
All the desperation drained from these things
You reminded me of how soon we will be together
Again
And without end

14 days

I need focus
Need something to distract
From the past emerges so many things
Most of which I swore to leave behind
But they have come crawling back
Erupting at the opportunity
To force themselves into the gaps of where you were
And these hobbies, these destructive saviors
Are company in your wake
Are the breath that comes
Are the frenetic energy that forces me through (among...other things)
And now that you are on your way back to me
They are dying
I can hear their screeching pleas and
Feel their claws digging into habits with resistance
Good luck
Because everything falls away

Understanding

If someone took away your sight, your voice,
Or your heart
And told you that you could have them back in one month,
Would you miss them?
Would you mourn their absence?
You know they will return
But that does not ease the feeling of emptiness
That knowing does not change that a piece of you has been torn out
Your being is altered
Their justifications mottle you with rage
The explanations of how this injustice will benefit you are lacking
Irresponsible
Every day overflows with waiting
You beg for the night to come so that you may sleep into another countdown
So that the morning may bring a lesser number
And then you pray for darkness once again
Repeat the cycle
But then again
It's "only" a month

Because that statement is sooo helpful

18 days

With some delusion I thought that as time passed
Acceptance would replace the tears
That the days would be filled and I would forget
However
I was wrong
This is still a sentence that seems to be carrying out into eternity
The longest seconds that have ever ticked by
Seem to stop mid-moment to prolong this sickness
Separation
Some will think this is a test of our togetherness
However
They are wrong
It is only a pushing of my sanity
Toward the edge of something desperate
But I know you'll pull me back
When you return

Home♥

27 days

I miss the feeling of your weight on top of me
Untethered
As if I am being pulled through the cracks in the concrete
You absence fills my room with silence and
It is not a home without you
Your belongings and belonging
Keys wallet and lighter
And love
The way your subconscious lulls me to sleep when the dark brings uneasiness to my breathing
Now it is filled with wishing and hoping and a desperate desire to fast-forward through this time
It will be okay
If only because you say it will
If only because you're missing me too

Light

Darkness seeps in
Like ink within blood
Poison
Diffused
Your analysis of my self
Compartmentalized and situated
In some box, stored away
Dust and disappointment
Gather as I break off into pieces
Some I choose to show, some hidden
Hidden
From prying eyes and vacant stares
Misunderstanding my intentions entirely
Contempt
Confusion
And more than that,
A mute refusal to hear the sharp remarks
Escaping from your own disdainful lips
Cannot be countered
Cannot be misssed

11:11

In this polluted drama
Your breath is my air
Clean in its adoration
Clear
Without games you express
And without change to your word
While we are always growing
You keep me rooted
Planted in this happiness
No longer having to hope for blissful consistency
You provide
And I'll fight for it

Up Again

In the night
I hear soft mutterings of some
Inner voice
It is not so much comforting
As it is great
I wish I could share its wisdom
But it is too much to expose
Too personal for something so non-existent
So unheard
But in the silence of insomnia
So loud

Absence

Another poem found...this one I have NO recollection of.
Dated May 4th (no year)

If ever a day the sun had shone
The moon would bid me say twas last
For every star was then aligned
All sacred did each hour pass
And thought the time will stay no more
Never will it be forgot
Each memory engraved in mine
Each second for which we, emblazoned, fought
And so the night was ever-lit
Yet ever-ending for me still
You never outstay your welcome as
The sun and moon do never touch

Stitches

Another poem found cleaning. This one I remember writing last year.

Some friendships are torn apart
But if so, were they ever glued
With the fiery devotion and air of loyalty
Or mottled with disinterest?
The second hand ticks and time will not stop for us
Not for your excuses your
Empty desire to repair while
Hiding behind a mask of inability
I don't blame you though
Nor do I differ in position
I do not possess any wish for your attention
Rather do I feel adversely -
Bid you look away from my life and its perceived relevance to you
YOU are irrelevant, by the way
Not but a speck of memory
A scrap of paper
A shallow poem written with shallower intentions
Amusing myself
But you entertain notions of intimacy and relay to many a closeness that was ever lacking
So from that have I gained an ambivalence of disrespect and pity
I am swaying towards the latter
They say jealousy works the opposite of how one intends
True
You are living proof
And so we are torn apart
And I sit here-forth
Tearing at the seams

Seasoned

Just found this while cleaning out my bedside table =)
Dated April.09/08 11:00AM

Outside, in the spring air, I can't breathe.
The sun is shining too brightly.
The gentle breeze is abrasive.
I wait for summer to arrive in
It's temperamental glory.
The way it will expose the raw bits;
The edges of skin that are shrinking too slowly.
Hiding from its rays is a futile effort -
An activity of pointlessness.
People everywhere are removing pieces of themselves,
Letting the sun soak in
Where the freezing winter once took its place.
And though it was brutal, it was protective.
Not so honest, so vulnerable.
Not so needy and vile and hot.
Not so much like the thing I am running from.