Never Stay

Sometimes I cannot tell whether the plans are the future or a lie
Aren't we all just hoping
That we don't fall apart
Each day just a chance
We speak of what we know nothing about
And pretend to be so sure
But certainty is elusive
We are all changing
We are shifting
Becoming something else before we knew what we were
And it happens too quickly


I found this in my bedside table tonight. I'm not sure when I wrote it, but it was in the past 2 months.

Harlequin

Your words
Insincere and full of contempt
Are gone
It is so final that I can almost hear this resolution shutting you out
I will not lie this time and pretend that it was easy for me to put an end to what seemed to be
Such an incredible phase in my life
But then again
I have always given you much undeserved credit
When really
You were not good enough to be the ground that I tread upon
And yet I worshiped you
Past tense
Because now I see realistically what must have happened
And again I can look ahead
Though you've taken that piece of my heart that allows me to love by any measure
Though the shadowy grey disposition of depression hangs overhead
Though the shifting is still incomplete
And my memories will never be erased
Though I sometimes still think of you
In love and in hate

I know that you are much worse off
In your vile attempts
In your pathetic excuse for a life
Perhaps under the hand of my bitter ramblings on and admirably eloquent phrases
These which are quick to steal the last bit of dignity that may cling to your unremarkable existence
So lacking
So without impact
Probably not worth writing about
But I suppose my brief lack of elitism is to blame to those who must hear of you
If by chance we are alike
And they have spent infinite wasted time trying to pretend you never were
Ever so sorry to those
But never to you

I'm still afraid
But no longer in fear that I will not burn again
But that the heat of such an affair was merely imagined
Everything is twisted again
And the lights are out

I'll manage